Warning you now that I have been quite emotional over the last 2 days….so if you aren’t in the mood for it, stop here.
The scale was not kind to me this week. A loss of just one pound. I don’t know why….I could say it’s because it’s THAT time of the month or that maybe that extra slice of bread was too much. I feel like I have been true to the plan-been tracking, done my exercise-completely avoiding junk even though I had all of my extra points for the week AND 8 activity points.
So what gives?
The woman weighing me acted like it was nothing, just wrote it down and handed me back my card. I hadn’t even gotten one foot in my boot and she was already calling the person behind me to come to the scale. I sat in my meeting (well, I stood in the back) and tried so hard to pay attention and clear my head after my weigh in. I even listened when another member announced to the leader that she was so discouraged about only losing -.6lbs this time around. The leader said what I thought she would say, “a loss is a loss.” Then she led everyone in a round of applause and gave the woman a star sticker.
A star sticker. I left at this point. Maybe it’s just me….but telling me a loss is a loss will NEVER be good enough for me. 1lb down this week isn’t good enough! 1lb is something I lose after using the bathroom in the morning….not my total for the week. Not when I have worked hard at avoiding the junk, and have made the effort to exercise. Not when I go to bed and think-gee should I have eaten those last 2 points I had available? 1lb loss….there’s no excuse for that! I never want to be one of those people that has an excuse-I don’t believe in that. I have heard so many when I attend these meetings:
“….muscle weighs more than fat”
“….a loss is a loss”
“….you’re exercising too much”
This will never ever be acceptable to me. EVER. I won’t let it happen.
So now what? I went back to work and celebrated Chinese New Year with my coworkers ( I bought them lunch). Did I eat some? Yes, but not before checking my points to see what was allotted. But now I am wondering-is it worth it? Is it worth it to be this meticulous and pay attention to every detail but have a 1lb loss for the week? To me, it isn’t.
Thursday night is one of my exercise nights (Monday is the other). I did not have a good experience at Strengthbox either. I am thinking I have to re-evaluate if this place is for me. I don’t have to be told that I have a long way to go….but at the same time, I want to feel that I had at least some ‘success’ after a workout. I didn’t feel that way tonight-and it really upset me. a lot. The workouts are pretty intense but I don’t want to come out feeling bad because I couldn’t keep up. It’s one of those ‘I-am-sick-of-being-last’ things. To some, that may be motivation to work harder. But when I am the only female in the class-I know that I can’t do the same things because genetically I am not as strong. I wonder if that’s an excuse. I don’t think it’s wrong to want to feel good after a workout though. Tonight, I was just horribly frustrated and upset.
What does one do after a day like today? I don’t consider these “victories” I am not going to just go with “a loss is a loss”
So here I sit for the moment-crying and typing. lame, right? I would love a solution-maybe it’s as simple as changing my mindset or maybe it’s as complex as re-evaluating the process.
What do you think? Making a mountain out of a molehill (oh how cliche)? Or valid point?