Status update. It’s a long one

The title of this post is a common subject line I have used in my past 4 jobs. I tend to use it when I need an update on the status of a project (mind blown right?). It’s also the subject line used when I haven’t gotten an answer on the status of a project and is my ‘last-ditch’ attempt at nicely asking before a phone call or in-person visit. Don’t get it twisted, I’m not intimidating or not to be reckoned with-but if I need an update, I need one.

So along that vein, I also figured- it’s been a long time since I wrote here. Or wrote anything. I owe you or anyone still reading an update. A status update.

I had big plans for this summer-but as usual, things went sideways. Most of the sideways wasn’t a surprise but it still sent me down a different path then originally intended. In fact, I can say that I made several wrong turns and hit several dead ends over the last four and a half months. That sucked but it really made me step out of myself (I talked about that on my podcast-SHAMELESS plug), and take this huge big picture look at my life and how I fit into this world and wonder what I am going to do with myself. By the way, I didn’t find all the answers to that stuff. I figure it will probably take me the rest of my days to get within some kind of reasonable distance to the answer.

One of my ‘a-ha’ moment(s)-a phrased coined by Oprah I believe (she’s not my favorite by the way). I could blanket this and call it ‘Things are not as they seem’ or say something cliché such as ‘you’ll know who your true friends are when________ *insert incident here.* I’ve noticed that many people just don’t reach out unless there is some benefit to them. And the ‘influence’ associated with the internet and all the pretty lives ……when life isn’t pretty or perfect, people are quick to disappear. So after experiencing these twists and turns and dead-ends, trying to be who I was several years ago? It didn’t work out. At first, I was dumbfounded, then upset, then mad. I had to go through some type of grief stages in order to get to the point where I could function with this new circumstance.

Right now, I’m not on social media. I made this announcement at the beginning of the month. Taking a break, see you soon type of thing. People ask me if I miss it. This is the very first time I can say I absolutely do not miss it. I know you are curious, so I’ll get this out of the way. I do not know when I will be back on social media. When I do ‘come back’, things will be different-how I interact, and what I show will be limited. I’m sorting through ‘friends’ and ‘brands’-many will be gone. Not necessarily because of them, it’s because my outlook has changed. My circle has gotten smaller too-and I don’t want a crowd.


One thing I have to mention that will continue to tear me apart is the loss of my dog, Lola in September.

I had her for 15 years after rescuing her from an organization in Buffalo, New York. She wasn’t the dog I originally wanted to adopt but the rescue assured me that I would ‘like her better’ than the Jack Russell. Lola was listed as a toy fox terrier, but I later learned that she was a toy fox/rat terrier mix. So I accepted her and we lived together (not always happily). She traveled with me across the United States and made it into Canada. She has lived in 3 apartments, a condo, and a house. She had a host of medical issues and had I not adopted her, she wouldn’t have lived as long. I don’t think that she knew she was a dog-she had a routine, was stubborn and demanded the best. But that was the best reason to have her. I’m glad she lived her life with me. Losing her, and the process of losing her was painful but made the entire experience ‘worth it.’ I’ve got this memorial for her on the wall in my living room. I like to think she looks over this operation on a regular basis. I’m sure she disapproves but I wouldn’t expect any different. This will never not make me sad (I cry every time I speak of her) but I think that means something too.

In case you’ve wondered what I’ve been doing, that’s something I will talk about here. I have cleaned up and organized closets, cabinets, storage areas. I’m thinking about the 2nd half of my life and debating making some moves. I have rediscovered my love of cooking/baking and try to incorporate at least 1-2 recipes/week. I have reconnected with people I have lost touch with and talk to people who really WANT to talk to me. I’ve been spending more time with family (in person and on the phone). I finally got my friend Jill to show me how to make the body scrub that I beg her for and I have enough to last me until the end of the year. I even decided to foster a dog who is a big goofball and all legs. It’s been interesting so far.

Will I continue to write? Actually yeah, I probably will. I like it and to be honest, it’s therapeutic for me. I also like to think that someone out there will read my ramblings. If that’s you, thanks I appreciate it. Also-if you are struggling, I can relate. Drop me a comment below.

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